Stand-Up Comedian - Movie Preview Voice Guy

Poor Old Man

An old man is sitting on a park bench crying. A young man is walking by and asks him why he's crying. The old man says, "I'm retired and I have lots of money, a huge luxury apartment, a beautiful 25 year old wife who loves me and has sex with me twice a day"
The young man says, "Well then why the hell are you crying!?"

The old man replies, "I can't remember where I live!"

Happy Birthday - Louis Braille

Happy New Year - January 1, 2006

Would You Marry Again, Scummy?

A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the woman asked, "Honey, if I died would you get married again?"

The man said, "No dear."

The woman said, "I'm sure you would."

So the man said, "Okay, I would"

Then the woman asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bed?"

And the man replied, "Ya, I guess so."

Then the woman asked, "Would you let her use my golf clubs?"

And the man replied, "No, she's left handed."

Wow! 15 Richest Fictional characters!

Wow, now Forbes puts out the 15 Richest Fictional characters.

No, I feel like shit even fictional characters are better off then myself.

"But given the legion of publicity men and image handlers surrounding the typical real-life billionaires, understanding these fictitious characters is as close as most of us will come to grasping the minds of the very rich. "

that to me is say hey you are to poor and stupid to really understand the rich so here is some fictional characters to look up to.

Rank	Name	Net Worth
1.	Santa Claus	$ ∞
2.	Richie Rich	24.7 billion
3.	Oliver "Daddy" Warbucks	10 billion
4.	Scrooge McDuck	8.2 billion
5.	Thurston Howell III	8 billion
6.	Willie Wonka	8 billion
7.	Bruce Wayne	6.3 billion
8.	Lex Luthor	4.7 billion
9.	J.R. Ewing	2.8 billion
10.	Auric Goldfinger	1.2 billion
11.	C. Montgomery Burns	1 billion
12.	Charles Foster Kane	1 billion
13.	Cruella De Vil	875 million
14.	Gordon Gekko	650 million
15.	Jay Gatsby	600 million

Reason

See there is a reason why some people would need the pills due to lack of sleep. And that is due to Cost of living. At least in this area, you need 2 or 3 incomes just to get buy. Due to Prices of food, Gas, Taxes, Cost of a car, And the Cost to buy a house. Where I work at poeple have apartments that cost 2,000 a month. And Townhouses that cost 300,000 to 400,000 starting out. How in the world could anyone going to college or comming out of High School adford that. Now where I live prices are a little better but that themselves are goin up as well.

See we need to start raising Hell about the prices or they will never hear us. All they see is everyone is paying their bills and a few at not doing it on time. But what they don't see is how people struggle just to get buy. And how they many have 2 or 3 imcomes to adford that home. And how no matter what we still buy the high price gas. Yet, they do not see or sometimes care that we need the gas no matter what to get to and from work to pay for our over priced home and over priced car.

Sometime we are going to have to hit a cap. and people just wont be able to adford to move out of their parent's home. And so you will have kids living and growing with there parents and not expand and created new lives for themselves.

A Quote about Ephedra (Ma Haung)

Ephedra (Ma Haung) - is an herb used to assist people with azma for their breathing. The Diet/Engery pill makers started putting it in their pills to give you an Extra Boost. Yellow Jacket were a popular one that you could buy at most gas stations. Which had 25mg of Ephedra mixed with 300-400mg of caffeine. And with people take more then what their bodies could handle and not drinking enough water. They would pass out and with a rapid heart rate a few died. Due to an unknown heart conduction. Also basicly they OD on them. In Jan. of 2005 they made the Herb Ephedra illegel. Which in turn made those who do not adbuse the pills upset due to you will always have drug that some people will die from if you OD. Just about any pill (over the counter drug/preception drug/herb) there is alway a chance you could die if you take to many. But here is a Quote from someone who took it to get to work/college/home.

***********************************************************************************

Thanks a lot you stupid bastards who got ephedra banned. If you are too stupid to read the directions on the back of the bottle you are obviously too damn stupid to be taking ephedra in the first place. What kind of a dumb bastard takes THREE YELLOW JACKETS. These things are meant for people who need them to stay awake or an energy boost for peaple that are physically active, NOT for some of YOU STUPID IDIOTS who take 75mg of ephedra mixed with 900mg of caffeine just because you like the rush. If I die in a car accident on the way to college from work because I got no sleep the day before and now have no ephedra to keep me awake IT'S YOUR FAULT FOR GETTING IT BANNED!!!!!!!!

a play a day

a play a day

Hey check out this BLOG, it is really funny!!!

Wonderful Day!

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ExcedrineRT

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New Engery Drinks!!

Bush gets jury duty call, says he is busy

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - President George W. Bush had to explain that he was a little busy running the United States when he got called for jury duty.

Bush never received the summons to appear at a court in Crawford, Texas, for jury duty on Monday and the White House learned about it through media reports, White House spokesman Scott McClellan said on Thursday.

"We have since called the court to inform them that the president has other commitments on Monday, and that he would like to reschedule his jury duty," McClellan said.

Last week, the man Bush beat to get re-elected last year, Massachusetts Sen. John Kerry, served as foreman on a jury for two days at a civil case in Boston.

Bush, whose ranch is in Crawford, is scheduled to give a speech in North Carolina on Monday.

"One serious note: jury duty is an important civic responsibility. And it's important that people do serve," McClellan said

Urban Dictionary: Word Of The DAY!

Baby!!! at 12-13 weeks

Yes! Yes!

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Make sure the Kids are in BED first!

For his birthday, little Johnny asked for a 10-speed bicycle.

His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."

The next day the father saw little Johnny heading out the front door with a suitcase.

So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"

Little Johnny told him, "I was walking past your room last night and I heard you telling mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too.

And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with an $80,000 mortgage and no bike!"

A joke for those 56 million to enjoy!

George Bush, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld are flying on Air Force One. The President looks at the Vice President, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out the window right now and make somebody very happy."

The Vice President shrugs and says, "Well, I could throw ten $100 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy."

Not to be out done, the Secretary of Defense says, "Of course then, I could throw one-hundred $10 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."

The pilot rolls his eyes and says to his co-pilot, "Such big shots back there... hell, I could throw all of them out the window and make 56 million people happy.

Time for a SMILE!!!!

A GUY GOES TO A
SUPERMARKET AND NOTICES A BEAUTIFUL BLONDE WAVE AT HIM AND SAYS HELLO.

HE'S RATHER TAKEN BACK, BECAUSE HE CAN'T PLACE WHERE HE KNOWS
HER FROM.

SO
HE SAYS "DO YOU KNOW ME?".

TO WHICH SHE REPLIES "I THINK YOUR THE FATHER OF ONE OF MY CHILDREN."

NOW HE THINKS BACK TO THE ONLY TIME HE HAS EVER BEEN
UNFAITHFUL AND SAYS

"MY GOD, ARE YOU THE STRIPPER FROM MY BACHELOR PARTY THAT I
LAID ON THE POOL TABLE. WITH ALL MY BUDDIES WATCHING, WHILE YOUR PARTNER WHIPPED MY ASS WITH WET CELERY AND THEN STUCK A CARROT UP MY BUTT?".


SHE SAID "NO, I'M YOUR SON'S MATH TEACHER."

Cell Phone Bank Robber!!!!

In the most recent heist, the woman, with sunglasses casually pushed up on her dark hair and a mobile phone at her ear, walked up to a bank teller in Ashburn, Virginia, on November 4 and opened her purse to show a handgun and a note demanding cash, said Loudoun County sheriff's spokesman Kraig Troxell.

"During the entire sequence, she was on her cell phone," Troxell said by telephone. "When we compared it with other robberies that have occurred in the area, we determined she was involved in three other robberies. ... In those cases, she was also on the cell phone."

The four jurisdictions -- Loudoun County, Prince William County, Fairfax County and the city of Vienna, Virginia -- are working together to track the suspect, circulating surveillance video to local media.

No one was injured in the robberies, and the amount taken was not disclosed. Troxell said it was unclear what role the cell phone may have played in the case.

"With the use of the cell phone, was she just trying to act nonchalant, not drawing any attention to herself? Was there anyone even on the other line? Was there an accomplice? Was she just talking to someone on the phone who may not have been aware of what she was doing, just to help her through the crime?"

Troxell said there might have been an accomplice waiting outside, or "it could be ... she was just doing it to make herself look like anybody else."